• January 29, 2025
  • Maria Nerizza S. Veloso-Liyanage
  • 0

Just when I thought I already knew what love is came another set of life experiences that would reinforce its deeper layer to me. What is love? 

Is it when someone writes poems or sings a song for you? Is it about giving flowers, chocolates, or letters? Does it equate to the willingness to put the needs of someone else above your own?

I’ve come across this question so many times in my life and every time I try to explain it, I find my answer in longer sentences than the last one. And I’m not just talking about romantic partnerships here, but what I perceive love to be in its entire essence.

I met my first understanding of love from being the eldest daughter in an Asian household where it was blended with responsibility. My love was expressed in the acts of service like cooking, cleaning, and caring for my younger siblings. 

For me love was in the sacrifice, in the kind gestures, in the support, and in the experiences I was willing to share with someone else, be that with a family, friend, close colleague, or with a partner.

Subconsciously, I brought this concept of love to the workplace, both in the traditional and virtual environment. I’d always make sure I have a pleasing relationship with my colleagues, subordinates, and superiors. I’d go the extra mile to show my support even if it was out of my job description, or beyond work hours. At times, it also meant me taking the blame for others just so they could be given another chance to start again without having to feel that shame put on them.

But as I’ve gotten older, my perspective on love has evolved and just last quarter, it’s taken another meaning. 

I see loving myself, loving my craft, and loving my partner in a more liberating way now, both to me and to the receiver of my love.

Allow me to share my 3 pieces of reflection here. 

❤️Love is not hard. It’s actually easy.

In my younger days, I used to think that If I wasn’t suffering or sacrificing or I was not being selfless, it meant that my love was not enough or real.

While it’s true that pain is a great measure of love, I realized that love does not have to be painful.

Love is actually easy once clarity and discipline have been set. It’s easy to love someone and something dear to you when you’re clear with what you want and organize it systematically. 

People say, love yourself, or love your craft. What does that even mean?

In the beginning, this concept of loving myself or of loving what I do  was abstract to me. It was only when I began to form concrete tangible actions that they became clearer to me.

Clarity for me meant that I needed to see some evidence that I’m actually loving myself, that I’m loving my job, loving my personal projects, or loving the people around me.

When I narrowed it down, made my own formula around it, and plotted steps to slowly do it was the time when I finally understood it and embodied the concept.

In the last 10 years, I clarified what I wanted out of my life. I was already getting traction in my freelance work. I accepted all the opportunities that came my way and accommodated different kinds of clients. I did this so I can really pinpoint who I wanted to serve in my freelance business. 10 years later, I’m still in the freelance business. I provide Pinterest Management for bloggers and Instructional Design for coaches.

I was blogging, but I stopped from time to time along the way. 10 years later, Snippets of Wonders is still alive. I am still blogging and it continues to be a passion project for me and I’m so happy that I decided to pan it out.

Because I got clearer in time on what I wanted to pursue in life, loving it became easier. Sure, there were challenges and rejections and in the entirety of it, I felt that they were just part and parcel of freelancing and blogging. I did not have to suffer for both.

In the last 10 years, I’ve worked hard to establish a system within the ecosystem of freelancing, doing passion projects, getting healthier, deepening my spirituality, pursuing my goals and strengthening my relationships. 

In the beginning, I was really all over the place. I was running like a headless chicken because I was excited to do everything I wanted in front of me. 

I tried Bachata and Salsa dance classes. I attended various kinds of workshops and enrolled in courses. I ventured into creating planners and stickers and selling them. I became drawn to travelling in different parts of Sri Lanka. I taught on weekends and did my freelance work on weekdays. I worked on investing in my first property.

I did all of these then I got tired, really tired. I wasn’t just physically tired. I was mentally exhausted as well. It appeared to me that I needed a system to support the clarity that I had.

Clarity without the discipline sometimes meant overextending my energies to certain pursuits. Maybe I can share with you how I’ve established this clarity and system through this post.

Love is so much easier when there’s a method put in place. What this looks like in my present circumstances is taking 3,000 to 4,000 daily walking steps. Regardless of my mood, I will do it. If I cannot achieve this goal, I won’t beat myself up, but I’ll walk 2,000 to 3,000 at least. 

I still drink coffee and if I have an excess of it, I will add two more cinnamon & clove water in my routine. 

In my freelance business, I put a time limit for my work hours. In the middle of the week, I’d go to the city and explore just so I can be away from my laptop. I do a 1-week social media detox now to refresh my information consumption.

Even if my husband and I still want to watch a really good movie at night, we will stop if it’s past our bedtime. If it’s a full moon Buddhist religious day, we’ll do our level best to visit the temple and offer prayers. When there’s a long weekend, we set aside time and funds for travel.

Love is so much easier when parameters are set and when I get to form habits to manage those parameters. It’s all about the foundation of clarity and discipline.

❤️Love becomes deeper when you decide not to sweat the small stuff anymore.

The depth of love that I was longing for only emerged once I decided to gradually let go of my excess baggage. This baggage was carrying a lot of unwanted drama and stress. Why was I even clinging to all these? It was downright heavy and it was affecting how I love myself, my career, and my partner.

These days, I’m now allowing grace for the people who caused me pain, intentionally and unintentionally. I have relatives, former close colleagues, and friends who I don’t speak with anymore. I do miss them, but I’m at peace knowing I’ve let go of grudges. I did not ghost them. I did not cut them off. 

I’d like their social media posts once in a while. I’ll offer some silent prayers when they cross my mind.

I’d like to think of it as simply just fading away from their lives. I’m giving them grace while I’m also giving one to myself.

These days, I refrain myself from making a mountain out of a molehill. I don’t want to explain any further if there’s no effort being exerted to understand me. If it’s not going to be important in my life down the line, I really just let it go.

I’m more focused on the bigger picture and so this mindset really helps to keep things in perspective. What helped me in this mentality change is subjecting myself to mindfulness activities.

I don’t bargain over prices at the market anymore. I don’t try to negotiate my prices with prospects. If they cannot afford it, I just move on and find another in my list.

When I wasn’t sweating the small stuff, my mood swings started to decrease and my efficiency improved drastically. 

When I was focusing on the more important issues, I gradually shifted away from trivial stuff. I became more conscious with how I use my time, money, and energy. I got to see myself, my partner, my craft, my friends and my family in a deeper way when I removed the “weeds” and these are the small stuff.

Because I am no longer getting my baggage in the way, I have enough time to love deeply what I have in front of me. 

My love deepened when I tackled my insecurities and fears. I attempted to explore and experience activities so I can re-parenting myself. Here’s my journey towards healing my inner child!

❤️Even in love, it’s a must to have an exit strategy.

In January 2024, I wrote a blog post about letting go and letting things be. In love, part of its many facets is loss and my journey on this was tested in October last year. One day, my active and fit husband came home complaining of leg pain. He went from limping to not being able to walk on his own in a span of 3 weeks. He was lucky to get an operation and I’m thankful he’s recovering as I write this post.

In that timeframe, I understood really well what it meant to let go. No one is promised to us forever. God gives life and He can also take it away at any time. 

In love, even at the onset of it, I strongly feel that it’s necessary to be ready for the end game. If I lose my partner to death, how am I going to cope with the loss? In freelancing, clients come and go. What will I do next to secure another one? Companies shut down and lay off their workforce. Do I have an alternative job in place?

If friends forget me and move on with their busy lives, how do I manage the rejection? Artificial Intelligence is taking over the writing and designing industries. How can I compete and ensure my job security?

What if one day I fall sick and find myself unproductive? How will I find the courage to recover?

I know I cannot foresee changes and prevent losses, but preparing my mindset that nothing is permanent in this world will help me navigate my way through. 

Every day, I’m training myself to be even more resilient and adaptable. I’m equipping myself with different life skills for survival. Although it’s challenging, I’m growing accustomed to letting go. I’m deepening my faith in myself and in my God that I can handle life no matter what.

Because of what happened to my husband, I’m now more keen on living my life to the fullest and savoring the present. My goals are set around creating a roadmap where I can minimize hurt and deal with grief should failures arise. In the midst of uncertainties, I’m fortifying myself because that’s the one I can be sure of.

My Final Thoughts

Sweetheart, I will be there for you through the highs and lows. You can count on me, my friend. I will give my best in this job, sir. 

I love you. 

It’s careless of us sometimes to blurt out these statements. It’s convenient to love when things are doing well, when they are good-looking, when they make us feel good.

What does it really mean to love?

I didn’t think that in my life, I would get to see the loving Maria. When my husband was unwell, I’d wake up in the middle of the night to check on him. I’d help him pee. I’d shampoo his hair and bathe him. 

I did all these things while attending to my client work and delivering face-to face workshops. I didn’t expect that I could take care of both at the same time. There were times when I had wanted to give up and abandon my work. I didn’t do it because that would mean betraying my needs. I clung to my faith in a God whom I know will help me get through it.

Probably, this is what it means to love.

Next year, I will have a different take on love, but for now, this will do. And, I will live through it.

Maria Nerizza S. Veloso-Liyanage

A big believer in wondering, I founded Snippets of Wonders in hope of it being your Creative Learning Hub. Through stories, life lessons, strategies, ideas, resources, and courses, shared on this site, may I inspire you to keep wondering. For me, there’s always an option to live life differently…only if we WONDER enough!

https://www.snippetsofwonders.com/