Two months ago, on this day, I was in Hirosaki, Japan, coming from a 9-hour overnight bus ride and ready to bask in the beauty of the Spring season.
I was wearing my plain hot pink long-sleeves top and a pink & black floral skirt to match the soft pink shades at the Hirosaki Castle & Park.
I felt giddy like a child in my first time of visiting my dream country and first time seeing variants of cherry blossoms. I was there in my pure unfiltered joy not knowing that the next 11 days of my holiday would change my life.
Now I’m here in my home office at 9 in the morning, typing my thoughts that I jotted down when I was in the plane towards Vietnam reflecting on that wonderful trip I had in the Land of the Rising Sun.
In hindsight, I’m able to truly say that untangling our own “knots” is necessary in life, or else we’ll damage others with them.
Here’s how that trip changed my life and helped me untangle my knots.
🪢Japan is not for the impatient or lazy.
Japan is not for the impatient or the lazy. I say that with deep respect. Because navigating its places means walking… a lot. On most days of my trip, I walked an average of 15,000 steps, looking for my way, through train stations, quiet neighborhoods, city streets, convenience stores, and tourist spots.
I’m used to walking a lot back in Sri Lanka. It’s just that when I was in Japan, it was different. There’s the language barrier and the unfamiliarity towards the system.
Google Maps and Google Translate helped me, but that discomfort of figuring things out for myself definitely humbled me.
Somewhere along those long walks, something shifted in me.
There’s something humbling about having to move through the world with my own two feet, LITERALLY. It was grounding and it trained me to be kinder. Japan didn’t adjust to me. I had to adjust to it.
I got lost a few times in locating my next destination. I was pressed for time so I can cover my itinerary, but at the same time, I didn’t want to rush because I also wanted to enjoy the experience.
There were times when I just slowed down. I just walked and in that walking, it made me notice people more, respect pace more, and judge less.
I began to see people not as obstacles to rush past, but as fellow travellers. I do know in that observation that some of us walk with heavy feet, maybe from the weight we carry, the things others don’t see.
Others walk with lighter steps, maybe because they’ve set something down or maybe just for that certain day, they felt a lot better.
Walking in Japan taught me presence, soft attention, acceptance, and gentleness.
Oddly enough, wearing out my feet helped me grow a softer heart and I love it!
Of course, not all countries are the same as Japan and honestly, at times, I catch myself comparing. I’ve also walked in the countries I’ve travelled to before. This was just entirely different. Japan makes walking an intentional part of the experience.
I don’t want to leave my realization there. I want to carry that version of me who slows down, observes more, judges less, understands deeper, and acts kinder.
I’m not my fully healed self..not yet, but I’m learning to untangle the habit of moving too fast, getting so caught up in being productive, or wallowing in my own concerns that I forget to look up and notice others.
🪢 External order inspires internal stillness.
Because of this trip, I realized that it’s so easy to be kind to yourself and to others when things are in place. These things could mean policies, procedures, systems, processes, tools, and documents.
One of the quiet gifts of this trip was experiencing how much external order can create space for internal stillness.
In Japan, everything just works. The trains and buses I took arrived on time. The streets I walked on were clean, and systems were followed.
There was just this rhythm to things and I loved that kind of calm that they’ve built into their way of life. There’s less chaos to push against. And in that calm, I softened.
Because I was not wasting energy navigating confusion or managing my triggers, it was easier for me to offer patience, grace, and presence.
It reinforced my stance that policies, processes, systems, tools, documents aren’t just boring administrative things. They are a must for a peaceful life!
I grew up in a developing country where things don’t always flow as smoothly. Red tape, delays, and inefficiencies can be part of everyday life. It’s something you learn to navigate and sadly even normalize.
Honestly in all those years growing up, it shaped me to be more tense and more guarded. My school was 30 kilometers away from home and that meant waking up at 3am so we could leave the house by 4am and not be late for my classes that start at 7am.
It was a norm to be outside the gates of any public office and line up for their services even before 6am.
So when I experienced Japan where systems are streamlined, public spaces are respected, and order is a quiet norm, it felt almost like heaven. Not because it was perfect, but because it gave me a glimpse of what’s possible when structure supports the flow of daily life.
I realized how external order can create a quiet kind of safety, the kind that makes it easier to breathe, to trust, to be kind.
It made me reflect that maybe part of my healing is learning to build that order for myself, even if I didn’t grow up with it.
In this regard, I’m trying to untangle the knot of internalized chaos. Growing up around disorder and dysfunction shaped me to carry chaos within. I was always expecting things to go wrong, always bracing for inefficiency, and feeling like I always have to overcompensate.
Untangling this means learning to believe that ease is allowed and that it is not a luxury.
I’m removing the knot of resentment toward broken systems. I knew the moment that I left the Philippines that I would never come back and stay there for good. Long-term exposure to broken bureaucracies created that bitterness and resignation in me. I’m untangling it so I can rise above it without being hardened by it.
In Japan’s quiet order, I began to notice the knots I had been carrying for years. I didn’t realize how much emotional weight came from that constant tension, that survival mode. It made it hard to be soft with others and with myself.
I’m healing and learning and in that journey, I’m training myself to loosen the grip. If I worked on my own order and discipline, I could show up kinder, too.
🪢Traveling Alone Means Carrying Everything Myself (Physically, Mentally, Emotionally)
When you travel alone, there’s no one else to carry your bags, no one to split the weight of confusion, culture shock, or even joy. Every step is yours. Every choice, every mistake, every silent moment, you hold it all.
And that’s when it hit me.
I’m also the only one who can carry and untangle my own knots. No one else is going to fix my bad attitude. No one else is going to calm my inner noise. No one else is responsible for how I show up in the world.
The people I meet on the road or at home aren’t meant to carry the weight I refuse to deal with.
Healing is my own responsibility. And that, too, is a form of kindness.
What are my knots? They are my bad habits, emotional triggers, and toxic patterns. Sometimes out of nowhere, I will react so negatively and then realize it comes from unresolved pain.
I also have attitudes that hurt others even when I don’t mean to. Sometimes, words or texts come out from me and they bring pain to others.
It’s also those times when I become chaos to somebody else’s peace.
Here’s what I do to continue untangling my knots.
🪢 Self-honesty
I’m learning to sit with myself and tell the truth, especially when it’s uncomfortable. When I catch myself being reactive, cold, or avoidant, I no longer pretend it’s just “how I am.” I ask why. I trace the knot back to where it started. I don’t always like what I see, but I’m trying not to look away.
🪢 Weekly Discipline
There’s something grounding about small, repeated rituals. I write down my thoughts when I feel overwhelmed or unclear. I meditate, even for a few minutes, just to reconnect with my breath. I listen to music. I revisit my childhood favorite things to do.
I’m learning to set boundaries, not to push people away, but to protect the peace I’m trying to grow. This weekly discipline of untangling helps me stay steady.
🪢 It’s always a choice
Ultimately, my choice is not to cause harm to myself and others. The more I understand my own patterns, the more I notice how they spill into my relationships. I choose to be someone who brings calm, not chaos and kindness, not confusion.
The beauty of travel is that it brings you back to yourself.
I’m so happy that I took the courage and made the decision to visit Japan. Applying for the visa, preparing financially, and building the right mindset was all worth it.
This was a beautiful and memorable travel for me.
It’s true. The beauty of travel is that it brings you back to yourself, especially the honest side. Because I was far from the familiar, without the noise of routine or roles to play, I saw things more clearly.
I saw the habits I carry, the tone in my voice, the way my emotion responds to the new people around me.
I think that because Japan has held a special place in my childhood, visiting it showed me parts of myself I had been too busy to notice.
And now that I’m back home in Sri Lanka, I don’t want to forget the learnings. I want to keep showing up for that version of Maria, the one who’s softer, more aware, and willing to untangle what no longer serves.
What about you? What places or experiences have humbled you to be kinder? When was last time you felt reactive or heavy.? Was that your knot showing up? What are your knots? Will you start untangling?
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