A bittersweet memory. The unfulfilled potential of something. A missed opportunity. And maybe, a romanticized version of what could have been.
I get it. We, humans, are creatures of longing and nostalgia. There’s that allure of yearning for what we’ve lost and of wondering for what could have been. We tend to pine for our unfulfilled desires and idealize our past.
For me, I thought I had that “one” that got away, but as I got older, life revealed to me that those opportunities, relationships, and desires that did not materialize for me, they just were not for me.
And thank God, they weren’t!
Reasons for Refusing Regret
So with this realization in my 40’s, I can say I don’t have that “one” that got away and I won’t entertain the thought that there will ever be. Here’s why:
🎡 Regret is unproductive
Regret will only prevent me from living a life that’s fulfilling. It will divert my attention to things that don’t really matter much. It’s not that I have not made any mistakes. I’ve made a lot (lol!). But, whatever present circumstances I was in at those times, I just had to own them and I acted based on the information available to me at that time. So, I don’t really blame myself for my shortcomings, but, of course, I uphold personal accountability.
In addition, I’ve always had this faith in a Supreme being that He will bring me to better situations whatever happens. Therefore, there’s no room for regrets for me.
What will come my way, good or bad, will always be for my own good. Every thing is a gift.
🎡Something larger than regret
As I’ve gotten older, I have gained a deeper connection to myself and the world around me. I’ve built a framework for accepting challenges and when I look at life from that lens, it makes me realize that life is beautiful. I can have a blast because there are things larger than regret. For me, I can say that love, hope, purpose, forgiveness, and gratitude are larger than all the regrets I will have.
I believe that we can always find a way to move from our past and choose to live a more fulfilling life.
🎡Things always work out well eventually
In high school, I dreamt of becoming a writer. I had two choices: to be a journalist or take the path of a creative writer. I failed the entrance examination in the university where I applied for a creative writing course. As for my other option, I passed the entrance exam for the course in journalism, but at the time of payment, I did not have ample funds to cover the registration.
This was 23 years ago.
When I look back now on those critical times and I consider my current situation, it all worked out fine for me. I now have a website where I can express my thoughts and feelings and share my insights to the world. I get to be a bit of a journalist and a creative writer.
What more can I ask for?
My first romantic relationship did not pan out well. It was a painful experience.
In hindsight, I’m so thankful that that partnership did not work out. I met a better partner (now my husband) and I’m sufficiently satisfied.
What is there to regret about?
I quit my master’s degree programme in 2007 in the Philippines because I could not fund my studies anymore. I left for a teaching job abroad. I had a great opportunity to complete my master’s education while working for my employer. 8 years later, I have a qualification that I can be thankful for.
With all these experiences (these are just a few), I’ve proven that, eventually, things do fall into place. So, there’s no room for regrets, but just lots of appreciation and gratitude.
What Helped me in My Mindset Shift
🎡Embracing imperfection
As I grew older, it has become more and more prominent to me that life is not perfect and a more productive act would be to embrace imperfection. This mindset has freed me from unrealistic expectations. I just let people and things as they are.
There’s a more graceful way to cope with disappointments and shortcomings and that is self-compassion. I also try to engage in healthy activities like walking, mindful colouring, crafting to take my mind off negativity.
🎡Practicing gratitude
Instead of regretting, I force myself to focus on gratitude instead. When I do this, what gets played in my head are just the positive things. When I practice gratitude, I feel like I’m more inclined to look at hardships, problems, and difficulties as just temporary occurrences in life.
I write things that I appreciate and I take a quiet time to think about all the fine things in life I get to enjoy.
🎡Letting Go
Ever since I’ve stopped blaming myself or others for what happened in my life, I found that I’ve become calmer and more at peace with myself. Instead of wondering what went wrong or what could have been, I look at my takeaways and change what I can control.
I now give things its proper timing and its proper chance. If things don’t work out fine, I simply just let it go and move forward.
How to Minimize Regrets
As I age, I have become more acutely aware of the finite nature of time. This was even reinforced by the global health crisis in 2020 and the fuel crisis here in Sri Lanka in 2022.
Now that I’m in my 40s, I try to involve myself more and more in a period of self-reflection and personal growth.
Yes, I know that regret is a common human emotion, but here are some practical steps I’m taking to minimize it.
🎡Set Clear Goals
Define your aspirations
Defining your aspirations means identifying your goals and dreams for the future. It involves thinking about what you truly want to achieve in your life. When you have a clear vision of your aspirations, it helps you understand what actions you need to take to reach those goals.
This clarity allows you to focus your efforts and make better decisions. It keeps you motivated and gives your life direction. When challenges arise, having a clear vision helps you stay committed to your path.
Create a plan
Creating a plan to break down your goals into smaller, achievable steps is important. Start by writing down your main goal. Then, identify the parts or skills needed to reach it. Break these down into simple, specific tasks.
Next, arrange the tasks in the order to complete them and set deadlines for each one. This helps you stay organized and focused. Regularly check your progress and celebrate your achievements. If something feels too hard, adjust your plan as needed. This approach makes reaching your goals more manageable and less overwhelming.
🎡Take Calculated Risks
Step outside your comfort zone
Stepping outside your comfort zone means trying new things that feel difficult or scary. This is where real growth happens. When you challenge yourself, you push your limits and discover what you are capable of.
When you take risks, you learn new skills and gain confidence. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but that’s a sign you are growing. Each small step outside your comfort zone adds to your personal growth. Over time, you become more adaptable and open to new experiences. This is how you can improve and achieve your goals.
🎡 Practice Mindfulness
Be present in the moment
Being present in the moment means paying attention to what is happening right now. This helps you connect with your feelings and surroundings. When you focus on the present, it can reduce stress and anxiety about the past or future. Practicing mindfulness, such as deep breathing or noticing your surroundings, can help you stay grounded. This simple focus brings clarity and peace. By being present, you can enjoy life more and respond to challenges with a clearer mind.
🎡Build Strong Relationships
Nurture connections
Nurturing connections means spending time building and maintaining meaningful relationships. Investing in these connections is important for your happiness and well-being. When you prioritize relationships, you create a sense of support and belonging.
Meaningful connections can improve your mood and reduce feelings of loneliness. Regular communication and shared experiences strengthen these bonds. By nurturing your relationships, you create a positive network that helps you through both good times and challenges.
🎡 Learn to Forgive
Let go of grudges
Letting go of grudges means releasing feelings of anger or resentment towards others. Holding onto these negative feelings can weigh you down and make you unhappy.
When you cling to grudges, it can affect your mental and emotional well-being. By choosing to forgive, you free yourself from the burden of past hurts. This allows you to move forward and focus on more positive aspects of your life. Letting go opens up space for healing and personal growth.
By practicing forgiveness, you release negative feelings that can hold you back. This allows you to heal and create a more positive outlook. Letting go of the past helps you embrace new opportunities and build a better future. Focusing on what lies ahead can bring you peace and hope.
🎡 Accept Uncertainty
Embrace the unknown
Life is full of surprises and you can’t predict everything that will happen. Accepting uncertainty can help you feel more at ease with unexpected events.
When you embrace the unknown, you allow yourself to explore new possibilities. Instead of fearing change, you can learn to adapt and find joy in what comes your way. Being open to the unknown can make life more exciting and fulfilling.
Be adaptable
When you are flexible, you can respond better to challenges and new situations. Adaptability helps you find solutions instead of feeling stuck. It allows you to explore different paths and opportunities. Being adaptable makes it easier to navigate life’s ups and downs.
Final Thoughts
We have a whole happy and better life ahead of us and regretting will only limit our ability to fully embrace the present. It’s healthier to slowly shift away from the negative cycle of self-blame and disappointment. We can focus on learning from our mistakes and using them as stepping stones for growth.
Someone who seemed perfect years ago might not be the right fit for us today. A bucket list in our 20s may totally change in our 40s. The grass is not always greener on the other side.
Let’s give dreams, people, events the proper chance and timing to happen in our lives so we don’t have to say that that is the “one” that got away.
Do you have that “one” that got away, though? If you have a different take on this topic, feel free to share in the comment section.
(We write our content in the hope of making you, our readers, feel a little more inspired in a time when you’re probably feeling low. We hope you feel a little lighter after visiting our site. Then, we know we’ve served our purpose.⭐)
